My Beautiful Blessingway...Continued

I was so excited because I assumed that this might be the beginnings of labor and I was hoping that in the next day or two we would have our baby. It started getting stronger and stronger so I called Maria to see if this was really it. I then called Sheila, my midwife, and told her what I was feeling and to be prepared for a phone call in the next several days. My cramps were getting really strong so I called my husband and told him to get home soon. In a matter of 10-15 minutes I had major cramping and tightening and I had to start breathing through them. That's when I got scared because this was it and it was starting. I was afraid that I would be doing this for days and I was scared of that unknown out there. I went and got in the shower so I could start concentrating and getting my mind focused on the task ahead. This all happened in about 30 minutes. By the time my husband got home (~6:30) I was wanting to PUSH!!! I could not believe how fast and strong the contractions came on and I could not believe how strong of an urge I had to PUSH!!! He called Sheila back and she was on her way. I knew then that my labor projects would not be done.

When Sheila arrived, she checked me, and I was only 3-4 cm dilated!! WHAT!!! I wanted to push this baby out so BAD!!! She told me not to push which seemed impossible. It was so STRONG!! Was she crazy?? Once I started dilating more everything became fuzzy. I just tried to stay focused and I kept my eyes closed the whole time. Eventually Morgyn, my doula, and Miriam, another midwife, arrived and we starting trying different positions to get the labor going and to ease my urge to push. I labored mainly on my hands and knees, in the pool, reversed on the toilet, and standing with support. I remember my husband and I doing a little dance, the labor dance. Everyone was so supportive!! I felt the energy and love in the room. One time while pacing back and forth I did open my eyes briefly and I saw Maria and Vanessa sitting quietly in the hallway. What a surprise! I was so happy that they were there!! They captured all the moments on film.

I labored for several more hours and I could not tell you much about it besides me trying so hard not to push. This was truly that hardest thing I have ever done. I remember counting during the contractions because I knew that when I reached around 40-45 then they would be easing up. It hurt, it hurt like hell but to my surprise I stayed focused. With all of my preparations for this birth most went out the door; however, my fears NEVER surfaced. I never cried or "freaked" out. I found deep within myself what was always there- strength. When you trust what is happening and when you have a great support system, birthing is not that bad. It is not impossible. Who knew!!!

I believe I got back into the pool around 11:30 PM with Maria and Vanessa by my side. I remember saying "I don't think I can do this much longer" and within minutes Sheila was back checking me. She said I was almost fully dilated and to go on and push. FINALLY!! She pushed the lip of my cervix over the baby's head and away I went. It was such a relief to push and not to resist the urge. My husband was right there by my side. They wanted me to squat but I was too scared to move into different positions. I finally sat in the pool and leaned back and kept pushing with all of my might. I moaned and made the "O" sounds, as well as repeated "open". Shelia just kept telling me to push - "push your baby out". I do remember the "ring of fire"- OUCH!! But it did not last long. Once I felt the baby's head was out, I knew that it was almost over. I pushed for 45 minutes. Once the baby came out my emotions just let loose (12:45 AM). I cried, laughed, screamed - every emotion came over me. What a beautiful moment and what a relief. Finally we had our baby and it was a GIRL!!!

I was so lucky and blessed to have such a wonderful birth with no complications. I want everyone to experience this at least once. This was the best and hardest moment in my life and I feel so proud of it and so proud to be a woman. I have a new found respect for myself as well as more confidence. If I can have a baby naturally with no drugs, then there is nothing I can not do.

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